Idea for a villain or just a guest, idk.

So, I have an idea for a potential temporary guest/villain. This is only in case we decide that we use a narrator, FYI. What if Pinkie Pie manages to tear the 4th wall down entirely for one episode, so that the narrator can actively interact with the ponies shown in the scene, and vice versa. I haven't thought of a complete script as of now, but I will expand on it if you think I should.

The way he would work as a villain instead of a guest is that, since he's the narrator, he would do small things as minor as annoy someponies for no reason or even change the course of the episode entirely.

I suggest Rotiart as the villain version, seeing how I can't really do a vocal evil impression, and me for the guest version, seeing as I'd be useless otherwise.

sry, i'm just checking if i understood. the live person would be the villain (i.e. the narrator)?

ybcrazy wrote:sry, i'm just checking if i understood. the live person would be the villain (i.e. the narrator)?

The narrator, basically, yeah. Even though he isn't necessarily the villain, he might be a guest until the 4th wall is fixed.

I'm liking it.

Ok, so, I made a bit of progress on this one. I might have gone a little bit overboard with the monologue, but I might cut that down in the finished product. As always, I am open minded for suggestions on how to improve, or even some grammar mistakes you notice (I will fucking end you).

Pinkie Pie was hopping and bouncing and running around town to find something completely new and amazingtastic for her parties. She looked nearly everywhere, but couldn't find the one thing that would change her upcoming party unique and standing out from the rest. A bit disapointed, she trotted home, but then, suddenly remembered one place she hasn't looked today. In fact, she never thought of looking there for party related items. Zecora's hut.
When she arrived, she did not see zecora anywhere, just potions here and there. She was looking through some of them, looking for one that might help her. She looked and looked, searching closer and more carefully with every next potion and ointment. She thought she looked through nearly all of them twice, three times or more, and was just as disapointed when she didn't find a single thing that might help her. But just as she was leaving the hut, she noticed a potion near the doorway, where she knew she looked before. It was as if it appeared out of thin air. With as much excitement and glee as before, she bounced towards it and read what was written on the description:
"This potion will exponentially
enhance the special talents of thee.
This will not make your cutie mark appear,
so watch out if Applebloom is near.
If you drink this, act responsibly
for whatever happens, do not blame me."
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH!!! Something that enhances my special talents? That would be PERFECT! I could throw better parties than EVER with this! Well, I guess Zecora wouldn't mind. I'll talk to her later when she gets back about paying her for it."
She looks to all sides.
"I don't see Applebloom anywhere around here, so I guess bottom's up!"
And with that, she empties the bottle's contents in a few gulps.
"I should get some better ideas for parties aaaaaaaaanytime soon..."
"She waits for a couple of seconds doing nothing, which must have seemed like an hour to her."
"Hey, I can tell the difference between seconds and hours! If you're having fun, hours are better, seconds are laaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!"
"Hm, I guess that seems rational enough fo- Wait, did she just respond to me?"
"Of course I did! Now, where are you at? I don't recognize your voice, so that means you're new in Ponyville, and that calls for a PARTAY!!!!"
"I am not new to Ponyville, I have been here for longer than you can imagine!"
"Then how come I've never heard or seen you before? I know literally EVERYPONY from around here."
"I'm not quite sure. I was confused about it at first, as well, since I was looking directly at some ponies a few times, and kept talking to them for what seemed like hours. But nopony ever seemed to notice me. After years of trying and failing to get somepony's attention, I grew tired of trying to achieve what seemed to be the impossible, and just talked to myself about what I saw, for a while. I was even going to write a book, or record my voice, during times I was too lonely to even talk to myself. All that changed when I saw you for the first time. At that point I had almost given up on having contact with anypony, forever cursed to observe other ponies' lives, watching them play, have fun, fall in love, get children, grow old and... the cycle would always repeat... But then, suddenly you appeared. One time, I would look at you, even talk to you, trying one last time to prevent going mad... And you looked back at me. You looked directly at me. I wasn't sure whether it was pure chance, or in fact you saw me, or at the very least noticed that there is something others could not see. I once again felt like there is a chance, even if it was a very slim chance. I again approached many ponies, trying to get their attention any way I can... but to no avail. I was once again plunged into depression, but then I remembered you. I searched for you all over Equestria, and when I finally found you, my heart jumped with joy. You had changed so much since the last time we, dare I say, met? I wanted to make sure, once and for all, that there is an exception to everything. I came closer to you, getting more nervous than ever before. I was right beside you, and said 'H-hi?'. You seemed to notice me once again, turning to me. I knew it might have been coincidence once again, but I cared little. I was so overjoyed I jumped, and you also seemed to notice that. You smiled with incredible glee, even giggling a little. I felt your happiness, and it was amplified inside me. I began to frolic, thinking I finally managed to find a pony that can at the very least sense my presence, confirm my existance. Oh, and I hope you do not mind, but since that day I took to calling you... friend. I thought it was the closest I would ever get to an actualy one, given my circumstances. But I am straying off topic. So as I was saying, I was ecstatic about seeing you, and you seemed to not mind me being around, so I figured I could stay with you for a while. It was the most amazing time I have ever had. I was there with you nearly all the time.

jesus christ this is gonna take me a bit to read XD
good job
keep pounding that keyboard

Wow that's a lot of lines.... Now not to put your idea completely down the drain...but this will be boring to watch and all the narrator says is the same thing over and over... Keep it short and funny when you rewrite this thing Have Pinkie Pie and Narrator dude have a actual conversation, not just let one talk a line of text that is as long as this. Like the idea of the narrator beeing a bad guy!!

Here's my small idea:

We have got 2 narrators, 1 friendly and 1 eeeeviiiillllll.
From now on Friendly Narrator will be shown as "FN:" And Evil Narrator as "EN:"

FN: In the wonderful land of Equestria, one pony is looking for new ways to enchant her parties
-Pinkie Pie walks into the screen and is looking around, obviously searching-
PP: Oh boy, I wonder what i'll come up with next.. This party will be the best one EVERRRR!!!!
FN: And so she searched and searched and searched. From Ponyville to even the Evergreen Forrest.
-Pinkie Pie will be seen searching on like 5 different places in ponyville and the forrest, until she stands before the hut of Zecora
FN: She knocked on the door, but Zecora is not at home...
PP: ZEEECOOORAAAAA ARE YOU AT HOME???? HEELEEEEUUUWWWWWWWWWWWWW
-You see Pinkie Pie knock on the door until it slams open-
PP: Well... she won't mind if I take a ienimini peetsy looky in her house
FN: Pinkie Pie searched for what could have been hours until she finally spots this strange looking bottle.
PP: Be careful with this evil brew, with a explosion near the fourth wall a hole just blew. What does that mean?
FN: Carefully, Pinkie Pie opened the bottle and smelled the nicest smell she ever smelled.
PP: Wonder if I should drink this or....
FN: Pinkie Pie decided to take just a little zip
-See Pinkie Pie take a little zip, but bumping into something so that she will accidently swallow the whole bottle, after a bit of "chocking" she will spit out the empty bottle again-
PP: Oopsy daisy... Well I don't feel any different I think...
FN: Pinkie Pie decided to return to th..
PP: HEY... WHO IS SAYING THAT?????? HELLEUUWWW??
FN: W--what??? You can hear me???
PP: Of course silly... I've got ears right?
FN: But nobody ever hears me... I'm the narrator.. i'm suppose to NOT be heard..
PP: But if you are talking.. why would you not want to be heard??
FN: Well.. it's kind of hard to explain, it will blow your mind.
PP: Hmm.. okiedokie! I must say.. you are kind of boring to talk to.. with all your secrets and stuff.. are there any other ghosts I can talk with?
FN: I'm NOT a ghost.. i'm a Narrator.. I tell people what you will do next. I can make hours.. or even years look like seconds.. Here check this out.
FN: And so Pinkie Pie was send forward 2000 years.
-See all kind of strange looking buildings (future) and one pony speaks a strange language-
Strange Pony: Bleep bloop bloop bleep
PP: What??? Where am I???
FN: In the Future.. But you can't stay here.
FN: And so Pinkie Pie returned to Zecora's hut 2000 years ago.
PP: That was awesome, but now I will have to return to preparing my party. Byeeeeee
FN: Wait.. don't ignore me.. I have complete control over you.
FN: Out of nowhere Pinkie Pie got trapped with her hoofs in the ground.
-Pinkie Pie gets stuck in the ground and is trying to get out, while a bit in panic-
FN: HAHA see?
PP: Who are you?? And WHY are you doing this to me.. Let me go!!!
FN: And EN: I am the narrator, god of all you ponies and I control what you do and what comes next.
PP: RELEASE ME NOW!
FN: and EN: Hahaha no way Pinkie Pie, I will never release you, Now be quite i'm going to Twilight Sparkle and see what she's up to.
PP: Nooo don't go please...
FN: and EN: Byeeee Pinkie Pie... (Voice fades away)
-Pinkie Pie's legs are released by the ground and she starts to walk in circles, kind of scared-
PP: Omg, what have I done.... oh no oh no... poor Twilight.. I must ask Princes Celestia for some advice at once. But how do I get there that quick??
PP: Wait a second....
-Pinkie Pie turns her head slowly towards the 4th wall and walks up to it-
-She reaches "into it" and takes a wireless microphone out of the 4th wall
PP: Please work, Please work...
PP: Pinkie Pie suddenly found herself in the castle of Princess Celestia
-Background changes to the castle-
(Princess Celestia)PC: Pinkie Pie! Welcome.. Now uhmm why are you here again?
PP: It worked!! It worked!!!!
PC: Uhmmm what worked???
PP: No time to explain, We must save Twilight.

Sorry couldn't stop typing. XD

Rotiart wrote:Wow that's a lot of lines.... Now not to put your idea completely down the drain...but this will be boring to watch and all the narrator says is the same thing over and over... Keep it short and funny when you rewrite this thing Have Pinkie Pie and Narrator dude have a actual conversation, not just let one talk a line of text that is as long as this. Like the idea of the narrator beeing a bad guy!!

Here's my small idea:

We have got 2 narrators, 1 friendly and 1 eeeeviiiillllll.
From now on Friendly Narrator will be shown as "FN:" And Evil Narrator as "EN:"

FN: In the wonderful land of Equestria, one pony is looking for new ways to enchant her parties
-Pinkie Pie walks into the screen and is looking around, obviously searching-
PP: Oh boy, I wonder what i'll come up with next.. This party will be the best one EVERRRR!!!!
FN: And so she searched and searched and searched. From Ponyville to even the Evergreen Forrest.
-Pinkie Pie will be seen searching on like 5 different places in ponyville and the forrest, until she stands before the hut of Zecora
FN: She knocked on the door, but Zecora is not at home...
PP: ZEEECOOORAAAAA ARE YOU AT HOME???? HEELEEEEUUUWWWWWWWWWWWWW
-You see Pinkie Pie knock on the door until it slams open-
PP: Well... she won't mind if I take a ienimini peetsy looky in her house
FN: Pinkie Pie searched for what could have been hours until she finally spots this strange looking bottle.
PP: Be careful with this evil brew, with a explosion near the fourth wall a hole just blew. What does that mean?
FN: Carefully, Pinkie Pie opened the bottle and smelled the nicest smell she ever smelled.
PP: Wonder if I should drink this or....
FN: Pinkie Pie decided to take just a little zip
-See Pinkie Pie take a little zip, but bumping into something so that she will accidently swallow the whole bottle, after a bit of "chocking" she will spit out the empty bottle again-
PP: Oopsy daisy... Well I don't feel any different I think...
FN: Pinkie Pie decided to return to th..
PP: HEY... WHO IS SAYING THAT?????? HELLEUUWWW??
FN: W--what??? You can hear me???
PP: Of course silly... I've got ears right?
FN: But nobody ever hears me... I'm the narrator.. i'm suppose to NOT be heard..
PP: But if you are talking.. why would you not want to be heard??
FN: Well.. it's kind of hard to explain, it will blow your mind.
PP: Hmm.. okiedokie! I must say.. you are kind of boring to talk to.. with all your secrets and stuff.. are there any other ghosts I can talk with?
FN: I'm NOT a ghost.. i'm a Narrator.. I tell people what you will do next. I can make hours.. or even years look like seconds.. Here check this out.
FN: And so Pinkie Pie was send forward 2000 years.
-See all kind of strange looking buildings (future) and one pony speaks a strange language-
Strange Pony: Bleep bloop bloop bleep
PP: What??? Where am I???
FN: In the Future.. But you can't stay here.
FN: And so Pinkie Pie returned to Zecora's hut 2000 years ago.
PP: That was awesome, but now I will have to return to preparing my party. Byeeeeee
FN: Wait.. don't ignore me.. I have complete control over you.
FN: Out of nowhere Pinkie Pie got trapped with her hoofs in the ground.
-Pinkie Pie gets stuck in the ground and is trying to get out, while a bit in panic-
FN: HAHA see?
PP: Who are you?? And WHY are you doing this to me.. Let me go!!!
FN: And EN: I am the narrator, god of all you ponies and I control what you do and what comes next.
PP: RELEASE ME NOW!
FN: and EN: Hahaha no way Pinkie Pie, I will never release you, Now be quite i'm going to Twilight Sparkle and see what she's up to.
PP: Nooo don't go please...
FN: and EN: Byeeee Pinkie Pie... (Voice fades away)
-Pinkie Pie's legs are released by the ground and she starts to walk in circles, kind of scared-
PP: Omg, what have I done.... oh no oh no... poor Twilight.. I must ask Princes Celestia for some advice at once. But how do I get there that quick??
PP: Wait a second....
-Pinkie Pie turns her head slowly towards the 4th wall and walks up to it-
-She reaches "into it" and takes a wireless microphone out of the 4th wall
PP: Please work, Please work...
PP: Pinkie Pie suddenly found herself in the castle of Princess Celestia
-Background changes to the castle-
(Princess Celestia)PC: Pinkie Pie! Welcome.. Now uhmm why are you here again?
PP: It worked!! It worked!!!!
PC: Uhmmm what worked???
PP: No time to explain, We must save Twilight.

Sorry couldn't stop typing. XD

That seems much better than my idea, even though I would like to keep the part where the narrator is a bit lonely, and that leading to the development of the "Evil Narrator". As well as the description of the potion, seeing as Zecora shouldn't know more about the 4th wall than anypony else (if she actually made the potion... dun dun DUN). Also, it would seem strange if Pinkie drank the potion without having any idea what it does, otherwise.

I personally like the idea of the Narrator becoming aware of the "power" that he has and turns evil. But it could be worked out just a little bit better. And I never said that Zecora made that potion and as far as the drinking part... It's Pinkie Pie.. she's so random..

Rotiart wrote:I personally like the idea of the Narrator becoming aware of the "power" that he has and turns evil. But it could be worked out just a little bit better. And I never said that Zecora made that potion and as far as the drinking part... It's Pinkie Pie.. she's so random..

Hm... Actually, I don't think I should be discussing this with you, seeing as it's my story, and therefor my brain tells me it's perfect as it is. You should propably consult another storywriter, like Steelcrasher, Rainbow or Darthblam, otherwise I'd be stubborn to accept change.

Deusinsanus wrote:

Rotiart wrote:I personally like the idea of the Narrator becoming aware of the "power" that he has and turns evil. But it could be worked out just a little bit better. And I never said that Zecora made that potion and as far as the drinking part... It's Pinkie Pie.. she's so random..

Hm... Actually, I don't think I should be discussing this with you, seeing as it's my story, and therefor my brain tells me it's perfect as it is. You should propably consult another storywriter, like Steelcrasher, Rainbow or Darthblam, otherwise I'd be stubborn to accept change.

Aren't we trying to get input from everypony ?

Rotiart wrote:

Aren't we trying to get input from everypony ?

Yeah, but I think there's a part of the brain that makes me think my story is good as it is, it doesn't need change (either that or I'm just too stubborn). And I guess my initial idea can count as my input, as well as the voice acting I might be doing for it later.

It's more that 1 person can't decide whether we do this or that. You post an idea, someone comments on it, you comment on it, we make it super mega more times awesomer

Rotiart wrote:It's more that 1 person can't decide whether we do this or that. You post an idea, someone comments on it, you comment on it, we make it super mega more times awesomer

If you're not going to let me go, I guess I could work on it :P

Of course you could work on this, but all i'm trying to say that is a team effort

Ok, so I wanted to edit the story a bit, fixing grammar eorrors and working over some lines to make them fit Pinkie Pie more. And as I read it again I noticed a mistake a lot of writers seem to do. The antagonist got evil out of nowhere, I mean, I understand that he somehow becomes corrupt with power, but I would like to delay this a little more. Perhaps he notices how fun it is to manipulate ponies while they know that it's him but can't do anything about it?

Deusinsanus wrote:Ok, so I wanted to edit the story a bit, fixing grammar eorrors and working over some lines to make them fit Pinkie Pie more. And as I read it again I noticed a mistake a lot of writers seem to do. The antagonist got evil out of nowhere, I mean, I understand that he somehow becomes corrupt with power, but I would like to delay this a little more. Perhaps he notices how fun it is to manipulate ponies while they know that it's him but can't do anything about it?

Good idea! Feel free to change any text.